Refreshed

It's amazing what a few days away from the every day struggles will do.  My husband and I just returned from an impromptu long weekend in Mexico to celebrate our anniversary (which landed on Easter Sunday this year).  We booked the trip last minute through our travel agent, who's a family friend, and got a great deal.  I felt a little guilty about spending the money when we've got medical bills piling up and still no baby.  But when push comes to shove I knew it was needed.  We needed the time to reconnect.  I needed the time to get away both physically and mentally from everything we are going through.  Since the miscarriage I've been stuck in a very ugly place.  It had gotten to the point where I barely recognized myself and I definitely didn't like what I saw when I looked in the mirror.  I'm happy to report that this morning the person I saw was someone I knew.  Our time away was as close to perfect as it can get.  We soaked up the sun and warm weather, drank fruity drinks by the pool, made new friends (that knew nothing about our personal situation), had long intense conversations about every subject under the sun, and lived in the moment with no schedule or timeline.  Mostly importantly we celebrated our anniversary and our relationship.  I know what we have is special but I also know there's days I take it for granted.  I was never one to believe in soul mates, but my thoughts on that have changed since we started down this long road to create a family.  I'm not sure I could do it with anyone other than D.  So we celebrated and as we embark on our next year of marriage I can't help to be hopeful about what it will bring.

With our return to the real world came my appointment to have the cyst drained.  My mom took me to the appointment as D couldn't take another day off of school.  We arrived and they drugged me all up only to find out that the cyst had decreased dramatically in size since the week before.  It was measuring at 55mm on last Tuesday and this Tuesday it was down to 14mm.  It seemed like my body was taking care of the problem on it's own <insert shock and awe that my body was doing something right>.  They are thinking I should start my period in a week or so and that would be plenty of time for us to make it into June cycle.

I'm hoping this is a small sign of the good things that are to come in this next year of marriage and this next cycle.  It's still hard for me to get too excited with only our one little embryo to transfer.  But thanks to our trip away I feel a little bit of my faith, positivity, and hope coming back.  And it's a welcome return.