The Art of Living in the Present

Well I survived the ultrasound yesterday and it was not as traumatic as I thought.  Though I was feeling pretty sick to my stomach, once I got in there it was business as usual.  Dr. H was quick and to the point and it took him only seconds to find the cyst.  Sigh.  The good news is it isn't large enough (yet) to cause me any discomfort.  They are currently getting pre-approval from our insurance company and then we are looking to drain it sometime next week.  They will just go in through my cervix with a catheter and a needle and drain it.  So piece of cake.  The bad news is that it will delay us so that we can't do the FET until June cycle.  

I've been such a Debby Downer lately struggling with our failed attempts, the medical bills that are piling up, all the unknowns of the future and all of the hard choices that lay ahead of us.  After my pity party today (as I wrote out $3000 in checks for medical bills) I finally just had enough of myself.  I decided to start living in the present.  I remember last June thinking that I better enjoy the summer because we could have a baby, or at the very least I'd be pregnant by this time next year.  And here we are with the summer in our sites and I, obviously, do not have a baby and am not pregnant.  However, I'm going to force myself to live in the present and enjoy where we are right now.  My husband and I will be celebrating our anniversary on April 20th (Easter Sunday) and booked a last minute get away.  When we return back home our sand volleyball league will be starting, we'll be getting our boat ready, and Memorial Day will be here before we know it (one of my favorite holidays on the lake).  Life goes on and my plan is to enjoy what each day brings.  I know myself well enough to know that there will be days when the sadness creeps in and probably even some where it over takes me.  But even though we are struggling with infertility I don't want to let it define me.  We are blessed in many other ways and it's time I start remembering that.