Cycle Day 9 Ultrasound

~*~*~*~*~*~* 18 Follicles!!!! ~*~*~**~*~*~~*~

Oh my gosh I can not believe that I'm even writing this.  This morning I had my ultrasound to see how I was responding to the stim drugs and there were 18 (!) follicles!  I am in complete shock.  Me, with my rotten eggs and my "poor responder" diagnosis.  Wow.  I'll back track and tell you about the appointment.

I had told D that he didn't need to come with me today.  He's missed so much work due to all of these appointments and he'll need to be off again for retrieval and transfer.  I felt good about that decision last night but as I was driving to the clinic this morning I started to get really nervous.  I reminded myself for the 1,000th time to give all of my doubts, worries, and fear to God.  So I tried that all morning and even though I was still nervous it did help.  I just prayed and tried to keep my thoughts as positive as possible.  Finally they called me back for the ultrasound.  I confessed to Jolene my nurse that I was feeling a little nervous.  She told me that with this protocol the follicles might be slightly smaller than the last cycle and that was expected and good.  The goal is to grow more and at an even rate.  So I was glad she told me that.  Then Dr. H came in and we got down to business.  I heard him say that my lining was at a 8, which is where it needs to be so that was good news.  Then he found my right ovary and started rattling off numbers.  I had a 20mm follicle and a 17mm and then he started saying 15, 15, 13, 13, 13, and he just kept going.  There were 13 follicles on the right side.  So amazing considering I had 5 on the right side and 4 on the left last cycle.  Then we moved to the left side, which is evidently my slacker ovary.  There were only 5 follicles but they were all 13mm.  So that gave us a total of 18!  Once again I'm just in shock and so thankful and filled with hope that this cycle will be better than last time.  I know we still have a ways to go.  Not all of the follicles will  have eggs and not all of the eggs will be mature.  But I'm hopeful to have more embabies than last time if we have more eggs to start with.

So I'll go back for another ultrasound tomorrow morning and they acted like we might trigger Tuesday night for a Wednesday retrieval.  I guess we'll see where we are tomorrow.

Once again it's not in my control so I will turn it all over to God and trust in his plan.  If you have any extra prayers to give this week I'd appreciate you sending them our way!

"Baby" Steps

I feel like I should give an update, but there's just not much going on right now.  This morning I started a new-to-me med called Ganirelix which is just another suppression med.  This one will see me all the way through trigger to (hopefully) keep me from ovulating too soon.  I got blood drawn yesterday and all of my levels came back right where they should be.  I'm now waiting to start my period, which will hopefully happen today or tomorrow and then we are cleared to start stimming on Monday.  Tomorrow we add in the E2V/Delestrogen shots (which are intramuscular - similar to the Progesterone - ouch!).  It's my understanding this is supposed to help with my lining and aid in implantation.

As we inch closer to "pulling out the big drugs" I am finding myself getting more focused and the hope is creeping back in.  While I still find myself thinking about what our next steps are if this cycle doesn't work, I'm also thinking about what if it does.  A lot of my blogger friends have gotten BFP in the past couple of months and it's so hopeful for me.  It's also a little bit scary because we all know the statistics and it can't work for everyone.  But I'm doing my best to stay positive and I really am hopeful for a better outcome this cycle.

I know from our first IVF that once you start stim drugs everything (at least for me) seems to go in fast forward.  It's so much better for me mentally to be actually DOING something daily to help make this dream a reality even if the action is just shooting myself up with numerous drugs and hormones.  Every day and every shot brings us one day closer.  Baby steps people.....baby steps.

One of the girls I follow (who's blog I absolutely LOVE)  posted this amazing article yesterday.  As I was reading it I just kept thinking things like "YES!"  and "EXACTLY!"  It really was able to put my feelings about infertility into words - I couldn't have said it better myself.  I wanted to share for not only my friends fighting infertility but those who aren't to give a better perspective of this painful battle.

The Disgrace of Infertility