The Cycle

Well here we are again.  The day before sono day.  I just can't shake the worry and fears.  Tomorrow I will be 11 weeks 6 days.  Not only do we have our sono but we'll get the results from our first trimester screening test, the Harmony test which provides advanced screening for chromosomes 21 (down syndrome), 13 and 18 (which are the most common chronological disorders).

It's really hard to think of anything else but what tomorrow might bring.  The thought of getting through the day with all good news brings me such relief and hope.  The fear that something is wrong is paralyzing.  I pray throughout the day all day long that these little ones are continuing to grow and develop into healthy babies.  But when push comes to shove I just don't trust my body.  It has let me down so many times before.  And while I want so badly to think that this is finally our time I just can't be sure.

I was feeling much better as I started my 11th week.  Less tired and generally just less of the overall crappy feeling I'd been struggling with.  I had a few good days then a really bad day yesterday and today isn't much better.  I'm still taking the progesterone suppositories.  And now with the placenta starting to take over and hopefully produce it's own progesterone I wonder if I'm on overload.  I'm terribly bloated (when I wake up in the morning I just look pudgy but by bedtime I look blatantly pregnant), struggling with food, and the last couple days overly tired again.  I'm hoping these are all good signs.  Honestly I would feel like crap happily every day if it meant my babies were growing and doing well.

We also finally have our first appointment with the MFM scheduled for next week.  I know if by some miracle everything is okay tomorrow I will be anxiously awaiting that appointment.  D and I have decided if we get through all of that and everything is good then we'll make an announcement about the pregnancy.  I know our families are dying to shout it from the rooftops and there's a part of me that is too, but another part that is just so scared of something going wrong still.  Infertility is hard but one thing I never knew was how hard pregnancy after infertility is.  Don't get me wrong I'll take the fear of pregnancy any day over the struggle with infertility.  But it just seems that after we fight as hard as we do to become pregnant it should be an easy stress free road.  Maybe it is for some, but not the case for me.

So I ask you all, yet again, to say some prayers for our babies tonight.  We are praying so hard that the screening comes back low risk/normal and that both of our little miracles have continued to grow on schedule with strong heart beats.  As always thanks for the love and support and here's to hoping we are entering the 2nd trimester!