New Doctor, Same Ol' Worries

Tomorrow is my appointment with the Maternal Fetal Specialist.  While the idea of a 4D ultrasound is super exciting of course I'm also nervous.  My assumption is since I'll be 13 weeks is they will be doing the NT scan that is typically done between 11 - 14 weeks since it hasn't been done at my OB office.  So obviously lots of prayers that everything looks good and there aren't any abnormalities found.  We are still doing the first trimester screening Harmony test but we'll re-draw for that next week at my OB office so it will be another 7-10 days from that appointment until we get those results.

The last few days I've been having some discomfort.  It's mostly felt like some pressure or a dull ache in my pelvis region.  I've definitely had what I believe are round ligament pains.  When I roll over in bed or sneeze or get up too fast I'll have kind of a stabbing pain near my groin.  I have read that the dull ache is associated with round ligament pain as well.  Today I've had what I would call some minor cramping which also has me worried.  I finally broke down and called my doctor's office.  The nurse was very kind and assured me that she thinks it's just stretching and growing from the babies.  She advised to drink lots of water and take it easy so that's what I'm doing.  Just praying so hard that all is still well.  I don't mind the discomfort at all, it's just the worry that something might be wrong.

In more exciting news we have started to spread the news to our friends and extended families.  We had some "announcement" pictures taken and have been using them to share our news.  We still haven't made a big Facebook announcement.  I'm actually struggling with that.  D is trying to decide how much of our story he's comfortable sharing.  And being on the receiving end of those announcements for years while we were trying so desperately makes me never want someone else to feel the way I have felt.   However I do remember a specific announcement of a friend from college that I'm not necessarily close with.  When she announced she shared their struggle, as well as an open invitation to reach out for anyone else who might be struggling, having lived through it.  So I think if we do decide on a FB announcement I'd like to do something similar.  Ultimately her story gave me hope and another resource/perspective/shoulder during my struggle.  To this day I still smile every time I see a post with a picture of her sweet toddler.

This brings me to another topic I've been struggling with.  When some friends have heard our news I've had a couple people ask us if the twins were "natural".  Even though we've kept the details of our struggle private most people know we have been trying for a couple years now.  So even if they aren't in the know they can speculate.  The question rubs me wrong for several reasons.  First what is the alternative to natural - unnatural??  Regardless of how any child is conceived there's never an unnatural way.  A child isn't less or more if you got pregnant on your own vs, help from treatments, vs. donor eggs or sperm or adoption.  Next - why does it matter??  Outside of people just being nosy I don't see why it matters if we conceived on our own or had help?  Finally after everything we've been through I'm almost hesitant to admit that these miracles are a result of an unassisted cycle.  The main reason being because I feel like it validates the stupid comments that we all hear so often.  That if we just relax it will happen, or it happened when we stopped trying, etc. etc.  The second reason is because I know this is not a typical ending for someone struggling with infertility.  I know it DOES happen (obviously) but most people will NEED some sort of assistance to grow their family.  Part of me feels like we are one of the few lucky ones but then when I think back to everything we've gone through and all the heartache it's pretty hard to feel lucky.  The one thing I do know is these babies are a gift from God, our miracles.  I have no idea if we'd be where we are today if we hadn't gone through everything we have.  My gut tells me we wouldn't.  And it's been worth every pill, every uncomfortable exam, every injection, every tear.  These babies are worth all of that and more.  I only wish that every couple who struggles with infertility was guaranteed a happy ending.  I know that's not the case.  So I guess that does make us one of the lucky ones.