Closure

Well today was my first day back to work after a 2 week break.  I did enjoy the down time but was ready to get back in to my routine.  Even more so I'm anxiously awaiting our WTF appointment with Dr. H. tomorrow.  I'm really hoping that he can answer our questions and concerns and has a good plan to help us move forward with better results.  I did start my period and they've got me back on birth control pills and baby aspirin to prepare for the next cycle.  So now we just have to see if Dr. H is on board with us trying again right away or if there's any tests or procedures he wants done before.  I'm really hoping he will just tweak my protocol and meds to hopefully help us produce MORE eggs to give us a better chance.  Nurse Jenny did tell me that I was on a lower end protocol so there is room to be more aggressive.  And now we know how my body responds to the meds so that information can only be helpful.  I'm also curious on if he'll be able to provide any insight on our low fertilization of the eggs.  D has already wondered out loud if it was the eggs, his sperm, or a combination of the two.  My clinic does ICSI (where they literally inject the sperm into the egg) which typically yields very high fertilization.  Not the case with us.

So we've got our list of questions and hopefully this time tomorrow will have a solid plan of what our next steps are.  I've been a mess of highs and lows since the negative Beta and am looking forward to being able to focus on what's next and let go of what went wrong.

On a plus note I heard a hopeful story this past week. One of my buddies from college got married to his beautiful wife about 5 years ago.  I am facebook friends with her and she posted the most beautiful 2013 year in review video on NYE.  It told the story of their adventures and accomplishments throughout the past year and as the video was drawing to a close it stated that behind the scenes they have been fighting a very difficult battle with infertility.  It included some quotes about infertility and some pictures of her meds, and procedures.  It then stated that just when they were about to give up hope 2013 wasn't done with them.  Next up came a picture of their embryo and the ultrasound from transfer.  It went on to announce that she is 20 weeks pregnant and they are expecting their little one in the spring of 2013.  Obviously I had no idea they were struggling through this and their video touched me so deeply.  It gave me a renewed since of hope that I'm trying desperately to hold on to.  She stated in her post that if the video helped even one other person who was going through this then it was worth the vulnerability.  I'm thankful for her bravery as it was exactly what I needed at this time.