BF(F)N

Big. Fat. (Fill in the blank) Negative. 

Sigh. 

I had my beta yesterday and even though it's against my clinics policy Nurse Jenny called to let me know it was negative. I already knew in my heart but it didn't make it any easier to get the call. I have been feeling great lately. I have more energy than I have had in months and absolutely no symptoms. I knew this cycle didn't take, but yet you can't help but to hope.  My HCG was at 1.6 at my first beta 11 days after transfer. I still have to go back on Monday for my 2nd beta. I'm hoping we can schedule our WTF appt with the doctor on Monday and get in to see him soon. 

Jenny and I talked and she mapped out the next cycle for me. Basically suppression starts on Jan 15th. So I need to have my period, meet with Dr. H and he needs to clear us to move forward all before then. I am hopeful we can make that happen. I just want (ok, need) to keep moving forward. I think as long as we can do that I will be ok. But if for whatever reason we get delayed I'm afraid I will completely lose it. 

I can not believe I'm writing about starting round 2 of IVF. I can't believe I'm here, that this is my life.  It just makes me so sad. And angry. It's just so unfair. 

That's all for today.