It's All Worth It

Yesterday on my drive home from work my phone rang and it was my OB's office.  I actually pulled over to the side of the road as I figured they were calling with the results from my Harmony test.  My heart was beating a million miles a minute and my voice was shaking when I answered the phone.  My nurse Katie's voice was on the other end as she calmly informed me that they had just received the results from the Harmony test.  I couldn't even reply I was so nervous.  In what felt like 200 unnecessary words she calmly informed me that the results all came back normal and "low-risk".  I can't described the relief I felt at hearing her words.  Obviously high risk results wouldn't have changed anything for us.  But it's just one less obstacle to worry about.  I also realize there's still a million other things that could go wrong.  But this one was a win for us and one I'm so grateful for!

In other exciting news she confirmed what the MFM suspected.  Our twins are little BOYS!  For whatever reason I always pictured myself as a boy mom.  People keep asking me what we want (which obviously all we want is to be holding healthy babies in our arms at the end of this).  But even if God came to me and told me I could choose I wouldn't have been able to.  But from the moment the MFM told me she felt pretty confident they were boys (at 13 weeks!) I thought to myself "of course they are".  It just felt right.  So yeah boys!  My heart overflows.........

Today is 16 weeks 5 days.  We go back to the MFM on Thursday which will be 17 weeks.  Regardless of all the great news I'm still nervous and scared for the appointment.  It will have been 2 1/2 weeks since we last saw our babies - the longest we've had to go in this entire pregnancy.  I've accepted that the fear and worry will never leave and work hard on giving it to God, trusting in Him and doing my best to enjoy this pregnancy.  I *think* I have started feeling them move.  Everyone says it feels like "flutters" or "butterflies".  But that isn't the case at all to me.  Honestly it feels like something is pressing or leaning from the inside.  Sometimes I feel a small area of my stomach tighten.  Everyone is telling me that is Braxton Hicks contractions but I honestly don't think so.  Maybe I'm completely wrong.  I'm anxious for when I know without a doubt it's them.  I also have these feelings much more on the right side.  Which I believe that is baby A who is slightly in front of baby B so that would make sense.  I'm hoping to get some confirmation of all of this at the appointment on Thursday.  

So almost 17 weeks I thought I'd try to recap some of my thoughts and feelings

1.  I still often feel like this is a dream, like it's not real.  Too good to be true

2.  I struggle with fear and worry every. single. day.  

3.  The way your body changes during pregnancy is truly amazing!

4.  I celebrate each pound I gain because I know it's helping them grow grow grow.

5.  I smile every time I stick my hands in my coat pockets because I can feel my belly :)

6.  I'm amazed at the out pouring of love and support for these little miracles!

7.  My parents and I have always been close, they've always been my biggest supporters.  But that bond has only deepened through this pregnancy.  Their love and excitement is contagious and can lessen even my deepest worries

8.  Baby stuff is EXPENSIVE!

9.  Pregnancy is hard.  I always thought getting pregnant would be the hard part.  But there's nothing about this that's easy.  From the lack of energy, the struggle to eat healthy, the aches and pain, the trouble sleeping, to the fact that every single thing happening is new and unfamiliar.  Pregnancy is Hard.

10.  It's so worth it.  I always knew/said that every shot, pill, doctor's appointment, etc would be worth it and it's true.  I did not know that pregnancy would be this hard.  But I can tell you it's all so worth it too.  Every green veggie I put in my mouth while simultaneously hating it is worth it.  Every sleepless night (whether it's from being uncomfortable or due to worry) is worth is.  Every ache and pain is a sign that my babies are growing.  And the worry and fear are signs that even at this early stage I'm already a good Mom.  It is so worth it.