1dp3dt

One Day Past Three Day Transfer

Happy Monday!  I'm spending this COLD Midwestern Monday on the couch with my bestie. 

My clinic recommends bed rest for 24 hours so technically mine is done around 10am this morning. But I took the whole day off and just plan on taking it easy. My parents and my best friend are both stopping by to keep me company so hopefully that will help the day go fast and be good distractions. I've spent the majority of my morning on Dr. Google. I know, I know. It's a sick addiction. I've also been going back through all my blogger friends transfer posts to see how many and what grade embryos they transferred. I realize this is counter productive but I can't seem to help myself. It will definitely be good to get back to work and in my routine. 

I also realized I didn't post pictures yesterday. So here are the beautiful pictures of our babies :) 

I know our embryos weren't perfect but they look absolutely perfect to me! I'm completely in love with each of them and  I'm praying so hard for them every day.  Grow babies grow !

Going for the "Gold"

I titled this blog post in the spirit of the Winter Olympics that D is currently obsessed with. I don't think we've watched anything else since they started. I'm secretly looking forward to being home alone tomorrow on modified bedrest and watching hours of HGTV. 

So after the phone call from the clinic this morning we headed in for transfer basically blind. We had no idea how many embryos we had left or their quality. The embryologist came in to see us as soon as we were settled in the room. As soon as she sat down she told us that we were in a much better situation than last time. Out of our 6 that fertilized normally we had 1 3 cell and 1 4 cell. On day 3 they should be between 7-10 cells. So those were more than a day behind and they would let them go to day 6 but felt pretty strongly they wouldn't catch up. Then we had a 12 cell embryo. She explained that this one was pretty "fast" and often times when they are that far ahead they can't "turn off" the dividing. Once again they will continue to monitor it but the odds aren't good. So that left us with 3. We had 2 7 cell embryos and 1 9 cell.  The 9 cell was our best one and had very very little fragmentation. One of the 7 cells also looked good with only a little fragmentation. The other 7 cell was graded a 3 which means it had more than 25% fragmentation which greatly decreases the chances of implantation. Based on this information they recommended we transfer all three. 

Honestly I was shocked at this suggestion. During our consult they made it really clear that it's very rare for them to transfer more than 2. We talked about how the embryos are thought to do better in groups. The embryologist basically explained it that the embryos "talk" to the uterus telling it that they are there so it can respond accordingly. So even if #3 isn't a strong contender it *could* be healthy enough to still "talk" to my uterus and help the other 2. 

D and I took a couple minutes to talk things over but we were on the same page. We understood that the chance of all 3 implanting was very very slim and instead of just letting that 1 die we felt better about using it to help its "siblings". If by some crazy miracle all three implant than we'll cross that bridge when we get there. I trust in Gods plan and am putting my faith in him. 

So all that being said the transfer itself went well. They said the embryos were placed right where they wanted them. So now we wait. My first Beta is scheduled for Feb 19th and my second for the 21st. Obviously this feels like forever. You know the drill. 

I'm trying not to think about the fact that we won't have any embryos to freeze. I'm not even going to let myself go there right now. I'm choosing to think we have none to freeze because this is going to work for us. (Please God). 

So my day on the couch continues. I'm trying to talk D into taking a break from the Olympics and watching a movie.  Is anyone else super confused by some of these events? (We just finished watching the one where they are skiing and then stop and shoot guns?!  What?) 

Thinking sticky thoughts and saying lots of prayers for our babies. To quote my girl Kasey I'm PUPO - Pregnant UNLESS Proven Otherwise. Positivity people :)

Transfer Update

Well the clinic just called and said we are on for transfer today (Day 3). Which means we have less than 5 embryos left. Sigh. I knew statistically that the chances of all 6 making it were slim but you can't help but hope. The nurse didn't have any information on how many embryos remain or their quality. They will tell us that when we get there. So even though I'm feeling terrified and sick to my stomach I'm praying so hard that there are 4 good quality embryos still growing and dividing. I'm trying not to think about (and mourn) the 2 that we lost. I know they weren't meant to be. But they were me and D and it's still feels like a loss. 

So this is when I need to take a minute and pull it together. Give those doubts and fears to God and focus on being positive that this IS our time and WILL work for us. All we need is one and hope is never lost. 

If you have some extra prayers for our embabies please send them our way. I'll update after transfer. Thanks you for your love and support. 

All Your Eggs In One Basket

Someone mentioned the saying "Don't Put All Your Eggs In One Basket" today.  I accidentally snorted out loud.  I don't think any other phrase could better describe what we do with IVF.  I'm definitely feeling today that all my eggs are in 1 basket - that being the lab at my clinic.

We got the fertilization report today.  Out of our 12 eggs, 10 were mature, and 6 have currently fertilized normally.  Compared to the 1 we had left at this point last time that is a huge win.  They have tentatively set us up for a Day 3 transfer which would be Sunday morning.  They will check on the embryos again that morning and if 5 or 6 are still developing as they should be they will push us to Day 5 (Tuesday).  The statistics and odds are against that happening, but I am praying so hard for all 6 of our embryos.  And I'm so grateful for the improved results that we've seen this cycle so far!  I trust that God is watching over our little embabies and have faith that he will take care of them.  I can tell you that my load has been much lighter this cycle by making the conscience effort to turn my worries and fear over to Him.  Every time I start to to feel overwhelmed by all of the bad things that *could* happen I have stopped and given it all to Him.  For that relief alone I am so grateful.

One more milestone down.  Now it's praying praying praying that our babies are growing strong and getting ready for this next step.

Retrieval #2

Im blogging from my spot on the couch with the fire going and my 95lb fur baby keeping my feet warm. Retrieval this morning went well. Just so I don't keep you in suspense I'll get it out there. We got 12 eggs. Which is 4 more than last time. I am...happy with this. With 18 follicles on Monday I was hoping for a few more eggs. But I have to remind myself that my diagnosis is going to limit not only how many eggs We get but also the quality.  12 sounds really good until you start doing the math of how many will be mature, how many will fertilize, and how many will grow and develop normally. But those are all things out of my control. What I can control is taking care of my body and staying strong mentally and spiritually. So that's what I'll focus on right now. 

We got to the clinic today and they took me right back. I put my gown on and filled out all the paperwork and then Jenny came in to get my IV started. Everyone stopped by to say hello and check on us. Even Dr. H!  Then Brian the embryologist came and got Derek to go do his part. They were waiting on the anesthesiologist so the girls took turns keeping me company. D actually made it back before they took me to the OR. As he walked back in the room I loudly asked "What have you been doing?!"  Everyone got a good laugh out of that including D. He told the girls he may be getting a little TOO comfortable in that room. :)

Finally the anesthesiologist showed up and asked me a few questions and then we were ready to go. The girls took me back to the OR got me settled and then the next thing I knew I was feeling pretty woozy. I woke up in recovery and D was already back there with me. I immediately asked how many eggs they got and they told me 11. Then a couple minutes later Dr. H stuck his head in and told us there were actually 12. Evidently one was hiding. Whatever I'll take it!

We were out the door heading home 30 min later.  So now we wait (I wish I had a dollar for every time I said or wrote that !). They will call us tomorrow and let us know how our embryos are doing. I'm praying so hard that they will grow and develop. If we make it to 5 day transfer it will be Tues.  My clinic's policy is only to go to 5 day if there's 5 or more embryos growing and developing normally. That seems like a lot for me but I'm staying hopeful. 

Thank you so much for all of the kind words and support leading up to today. I'm so very grateful for our 12 eggs and am praying so hard for good quality healthy embabies. Try #2 here we go!

IVF #2 Trigger

I had my second ultrasound yesterday and the majority of my follicles were measuring 17mm so I got the all clear to trigger last night.  We did the HCG shot at 10:30pm and retrieval will be tomorrow at 9am.  I am ready to get things moving.

I wish I could put in to words how I"m feeling this time compared to last.  Some of it is much the same and some of it is completely different.  I am definitely feeling hopeful and excited but in a different way than the first time.  This time I know what we are up against and while the more aggressive protocol seems to have improved our results so far, I also know now that I won't rest easy until we get the fertilization report.  There's just so much that can go wrong happen between retrieval and transfer.  And even if by some miracle we happen to get a BFP I've had 2 blog friends just this week who's 2nd Beta came back lower and they experienced chemical pregnancies.  I know we all talk about this a lot but infertility seems to completely rob you of the joy and bliss that SHOULD come with pregnancy.  Because we know so much it seems impossible to shake the worry and fear.  So this time I am really trying to focus on taking one day at a time.

My mom recently sent me this amazing gift and I've been wearing it since starting STIM drugs.

The one thing I did learn from our first failure with IVF is that I'm stronger than I thought.  I survived the disappointment and loss and we picked ourselves up and tried again.  And I will do that again if I have to.  Not to say that I won't be devastated and heartbroken because I will.  But I also know deep in my heart that I am MEANT to be a mother.  And I'm not ready to give up yet.

So for now I'll hope and pray for a successful retrieval of LOTS of healthy mature eggs.  I will be strong for myself and for D.  I will be positive and believe that this will work for us.  And I'll look forward to our future and not behind at our loss.  And regardless of the outcome I will go on.

Cycle Day 9 Ultrasound

~*~*~*~*~*~* 18 Follicles!!!! ~*~*~**~*~*~~*~

Oh my gosh I can not believe that I'm even writing this.  This morning I had my ultrasound to see how I was responding to the stim drugs and there were 18 (!) follicles!  I am in complete shock.  Me, with my rotten eggs and my "poor responder" diagnosis.  Wow.  I'll back track and tell you about the appointment.

I had told D that he didn't need to come with me today.  He's missed so much work due to all of these appointments and he'll need to be off again for retrieval and transfer.  I felt good about that decision last night but as I was driving to the clinic this morning I started to get really nervous.  I reminded myself for the 1,000th time to give all of my doubts, worries, and fear to God.  So I tried that all morning and even though I was still nervous it did help.  I just prayed and tried to keep my thoughts as positive as possible.  Finally they called me back for the ultrasound.  I confessed to Jolene my nurse that I was feeling a little nervous.  She told me that with this protocol the follicles might be slightly smaller than the last cycle and that was expected and good.  The goal is to grow more and at an even rate.  So I was glad she told me that.  Then Dr. H came in and we got down to business.  I heard him say that my lining was at a 8, which is where it needs to be so that was good news.  Then he found my right ovary and started rattling off numbers.  I had a 20mm follicle and a 17mm and then he started saying 15, 15, 13, 13, 13, and he just kept going.  There were 13 follicles on the right side.  So amazing considering I had 5 on the right side and 4 on the left last cycle.  Then we moved to the left side, which is evidently my slacker ovary.  There were only 5 follicles but they were all 13mm.  So that gave us a total of 18!  Once again I'm just in shock and so thankful and filled with hope that this cycle will be better than last time.  I know we still have a ways to go.  Not all of the follicles will  have eggs and not all of the eggs will be mature.  But I'm hopeful to have more embabies than last time if we have more eggs to start with.

So I'll go back for another ultrasound tomorrow morning and they acted like we might trigger Tuesday night for a Wednesday retrieval.  I guess we'll see where we are tomorrow.

Once again it's not in my control so I will turn it all over to God and trust in his plan.  If you have any extra prayers to give this week I'd appreciate you sending them our way!