I'm the worst blogger ever. I've sat down to write several times but there's nothing to say. Nothing's changed since my last post. My bloodwork came back and my estrogen level was raised indicating a cyst. We gave it a couple weeks hoping it would resolve itself but still nothing. I have an ultrasound scheduled for Thursday with my OBGYN. Depending on the size of the cyst we'll either drain it or start me on birth control for a week to shrink it.
I can't believe that May is almost over and we haven't progressed any further since April. I really hoped I'd be on meds by now with a June retrieval on the horizon. When do you think I'll finally realize there is no planning, no control. Have I mentioned how much I hate that??
However I am happy to report D seems to be back to his old self. It was a rough couple of months after our last failed cycle but I think the change in weather has really helped. We survived another Mother's Day. As usual it wasn't easy. I woke up and gave myself a mental pep talk in the shower. However I got out and took one look at him and lost it. He told me that he knows I'll be an amazing mother some day and I'm already amazing mother to our sweet Chloe. After a good cry I pulled myself together and we headed to my parents. It was nice to be able to hide out at their place and I think my mom enjoyed having us there. She got me a beautiful necklace with a ring and a small heart inside that symbolizes the circle of her love. She got herself one to match and promised to wear it everyday until I get pregnant. Their faith and support means so much to me even though it breaks my heart to see them hurting for us.
We've also been very busy house hunting lately which has been a much welcomed distraction. D has accepted a new teaching/coaching job in a different school district. I think this change has been so good for him mentally as well. He's currently a principal at an elementary school. Considering our struggle I don't know how he handles the every day tasks of his job. It was obviously wearing on him. A job teaching Jr. High math and geography (his favorite subjects) paired with being able to go back to coaching (football and basketball) and being able to make the same money was a no brainer to me. He struggled some with the decision questioning if he was giving up or taking a step back. But ultimately accepted the job and seems at peace with it now. I know he's looking forward to having his summers off again (insert bitterness on my part here) which would come in super handy if we ever have a baby! (There's no escaping it- everything comes back to babies).
So..the house hunt. We've been in a rental since last fall as we sold our house to move into D's school district per the school board. However we hadn't found anything in that location and were really struggling with having to live in district. Now that he's got a new job we are free to live wherever we want (yeah!). So the hunt is on! We haven't found THE ONE yet, but the constant searching and dreaming has been a great distraction. I'm hoping the right house is right around the corner. I just keep thinking that, one way or another, this is going to be the house we bring our baby home to. And I want to be able to feel that when I walk in. Which I know sounds silly but that's how I feel. So the hunt continues.
In the meantime I'm reading and following. I'm celebrating our successes and praying for all of us still struggling. And hoping that, like the perfect house, the next step could happen any day.
