Miracles

I believe in miracles. I read about them every day in this community. Donors that volunteer their gifts of eggs for no fees, adoptions that come together at precisely the right moment, pregnancies that occur after a doctor has said there's no hope. This weekend I've experienced what I hope is the start of my own miracle. On Saturday morning I went in for my 3rd IVF egg retrieval. As a refresher my first cycle I got 8 eggs, 5 mature, 1fertilized correctly. For my second cycle we got 12 eggs, 10 were mature, 8 fertilized correctly. We transferred 3 (one of which was very poor quality). One implanted but there was no heartbeat at 7 weeks. One made it to 5 day to freeze which we transferred in a FET that was a BFN. Which bring me to now. This cycle we retrieved 21 eggs. Out of them 16 were mature. After 24 hours 14 of those have fertilized correctly and continue to grow. 14. 

I am a complete mess of emotions right now. Obviously I'm thrilled with this number. I'm currently crying tears of gratitude that I can't seem to shut off. I'm so very thankful for each and every one of those 21 eggs that turned into 14 embryos. We'll let our babies keep growing until Tuesday (day 3). At that time they will biopsy 1 cell from the embryos that are still thriving to send away for genetic testing. I'm tentatively scheduled for a 1pm transfer on Thursday (day 5). It will be down to the last min before we get the results of the genetic tests.  

I know there's two ways to look at this situation. The first is to embrace my joy, be thankful and happy and believe that this IS going to work this time. However I wouldn't be honest if I didn't admit there's a part of me thinking this is too good to be true. That even though these number are higher than I ever dreamed my body was possible of producing, when push comes to shove we know my egg quality is crappy. I worry about how many we'll lose between now and Tues. Between Tuesday and Thursday. And then even IF we have a genetically normal embryo to transfer there's still a very long road ahead of us. One we've already been down that ended in heartbreak. 

That being said it's my CHOICE to focus on the positive. To give thanks, be hopeful, and trust in God and his plan for us. 14 beautiful embryos.  Let the miracle begin.