Will I Remember?

My babies turn 2 months old tomorrow.  TWO MONTHS.  How did this happen?  Where did the time go?  As I reflect on the last two months since I became a Mom I'm overwhelmed with emotions.  And all I can think is "Will I Remember"?

Will I remember the weight of their tiny bodies on my chest?  The way they curl their little bodies into mine.  How they wiggle searching for a comfortable position.  And their sweet sigh once they find it.

Will I remember these first baby baths?  The suspicious look on their faces as the warm water runs over them as they try to decide if they like it or not.  The smell of the baby wash and the feel of the tiny wash cloths.  How I move their little slippery bodies so carefully as I wash them clean.  The sweetness of holding them wrapped up in their hooded towels with water still damp on their face.

Will I remember the joy of our mornings together?  It's their favorite time of the day.  How I take my time stripping them of their pajamas, changing their diapers, putting lotion on them and dressing them for the day.  This time there is no rush.  We play music, I sing songs.  It may seem silly but it's my quality one on one time with each of them before the tasks and obligations of the day take over. So I take my time and enjoy the routine and try so very hard to soak it all in.

Will I remember the intensity of their watchful eyes?  How the color is such a deep blue that seems to change every day.  How they absorb every word I say..  How they turn their heads to follow me around the room.  The serious expressions when I talk to them and those early sweet baby smiles that are still few and far between.

Will I remember the love that consumes me as I watch my husband with them.  How he's so gentle as he lifts them up.  The look of love and wonder on his face as he talks to him.  The way he worries over the little things like I've never seen him do before.  How protective he is.  How hopelessly in love with them he is.

Will I remember the endless patience I've developed out of nowhere as I replace a pacifier for the 100th time?  Will I remember the way I've cried and ached in the moments when I can't seem to fix whatever is wrong?  Will I remember the feelings of purpose when I pick them up and they go from crying to calm just by being in my arms?

Will I remember what it feels like to be woken up out of a dead sleep by the smallest whimper?  The exhaustion of getting out of my warm bed at 2:34am.  Changing diapers in a dark nursery and not needing the light because it's become second nature.  Whispering to them in those quite hours in the middle of the night when it feels like you are the only ones in the world awake.  And watching them watching me while they eat with a look of such contentment - as if all is right in the world.

Will I remember rocking the bassinet from my bed silently praying for just another 15 min of sleep? Will I remember the endless amount of bottles to wash and laundry that needs to be done and how somehow I'm able to find joy in those tasks because they are for them?

Will I remember these first differences between them.  How Braxton seems to need just a little more cuddle time than my more independent Brody.  How Brody favors laying on your chest while Braxton prefers snuggling into my arms, his head resting on my breast.  The way Braxton snorts when he gets REALLY mad and how Brody's cries are quieter but cut just as deep.  The different ways they eat and burp.  But how they still sleep in the exact same positions even sometimes in separate rooms.

These moments are so fleeting.  The time is passing so quickly.  I wish I could slow it down but I know I can't.  So instead I try to be present.  To savor every moment - the joyful ones, the frustrating ones, the hard ones, the ones where my heart feels like it might burst with love.  These are the days.  The first days of their miraculous lives.  The first days of my life as a Mother.  These are the days.  And I will remember.